For many years I have been a part of a church community at First Universalist. It's a wonderful community, deeply devoted to social justice and radical inclusion, and friendships made there will last a lifetime. Still I chose to convert to Judaism, not because of any dissatisfaction, but rather from a deep seated desire over many decades. When a person converts, there is a period of deep study and participation before a Beit Din (Rabbinical Court) is convened, and if they say yes, the person enters the Mikveh (ritual bath) and is fully Jewish. It's a major life change and one I have entered into seriously. Towards the end of our period of study (though study actually continues for a lifetime), I was asked to write a short piece on why I choose Judaism. Here I am sharing what I wrote:
Why I Choose Judaism
History:
My exposure early in life to Jewish practice was minimal. I did have some aunts and uncles who were deeply involved in the early history of the State of Israel, evangelists who for their reasons supported and funneled substantial resources towards Eretz Israel. I saw slide presentations and heard the stories from their repeated journeys there. I had family who were actually there during the six -day war and later the Yom Kippur war. Several classmates were Jewish as well. As a liberal in Tyler, Texas, while attending the UU congregation, there were so few liberals and we tended to cling together with our progressive Jewish brothers and sisters in mutual support, working for our common vision of the world we dreamed.
However, I think I first really became enamored with serious Jewish teaching in a research project studying the Holocaust. My goal at first was to try and understand why it happened and could it happen again. Seen a gay man wrestling with gender identity as well at the time, I knew people like me had been sent to the death camps. I wanted to know why, and could it happen again.
While researching, I learned of the historical, religious, and cultural histories of the Jewish people along with other oppressed groups, and the more I read, well, Judaism resonated deeply. I wasn’t Christian, so no issue there. I wasn’t an Atheist either. I fell in love with Jewish belief and practice. Studying alone from the late seventies (I know this because a new book came out around that time… The First Jewish Catalogue) and into the eighties, I felt I would like to convert. Friends in my LGBTQ community in Houston who were Jewish however said as a gay man, much less trans, conversion wasn’t really possible. Not there, not then anyway. So, I shrugged and set it aside. Over the ensuing years, I tried various Christian denominations, then returned to Unitarian Universalism, the best compromise as a faith community for someone who’s not Christian and can’t be Jewish.
Until recently. My interest in Judaism never waned and I would perk whenever the subject would come up. But it wasn’t until this past year that I learned of changes that had occurred within Reform Judaism. I read of inclusion for LGBTQ folks, and I realized being Jewish was a possibility. I contacted Rabbi Latz and told him I wished to convert and set up our first meeting.
What attracts me to Judaism:
1. I love how we wrestle with Torah, the evolution of faith making our belief relevant in our own time.
2. Marking the passages of time. Seeing G_d within time even as we occupy space, and using that time to reflect on those moments, whether in the daily services, Shabbat, the holidays and festivals or just because of a particular moment.
3. Prayer life. I’ve come to see Shabbat as the highlight of my week. I do daily prayers and it brings me a special peace within.
4. This is a faith that is not just about belief, but responsible action. The three three pillars t’shuvah, t’fillah, tzedakah, i.e. correcting a wrong, prayer, giving.
5. We are not simply a belief or religion. We’re a culture with a remarkably long history. It’s an amazing history. We are responsible for each other, and for the outside world as well. We have 613 mitzvot, a body of literature ranging from Torah, Prophets, Writings, Mishnah, Gemara, Midrash, Kabbalah, literature right up through today, all the while wrestling with our faith within today’s context. There’s an emphasis on study I find refreshing and invigorating. We have rituals both as individuals and as a community carrying us through our life journey.
6. For me personally, I believe in one G_d,
7. I love to sing the psalms, nigguns, and despite inability to carry a tune, I love song as prayer.
8. As a historian, the history of our people is one that has held my fascination since youth. The survival of our people is remarkable. There was the destruction of the Temple and the birth of Rabbinic Judaism. Or the rebirth of Hebrew outside of the ritual role within synagogues. I’ve followed archaeology in the area since the first issue came out of Biblical Archaeology Society so many years ago up to the recent discovery of a seal from King Hezekiah and what may be a seal from Isaiah from the same period. For me, it seems our culture is firmly based within our historical experience.
9. I love Torah study. I plan to continue studying Hebrew to hopefully reach that point where I can understand better the context of Tanach.
10. The communal nature of our faith. Chavruta, whether in twos or more.
11. Tikkun Olam, our responsibility to the world around us. That’s a faith statement and a call to action I hold dear.
12. My community. Shir Tikvah, yes, for it’s a community whose actions speak for themselves. But beyond that, the wider Jewish community as well. I love how Judaism is there from birth to the grave, with rituals to hold, comfort, and sustain us each step of the way as we hold each other in our journey through this life.
13. Traditions. Some hundreds and even thousands of years old. From the Mikvah to our Oral Torah, to rituals more alike than different.
14. I’ve just begun preparing for study of Zohar, and already I know I’ll have to add this to my list.
From that moment decades back when I felt the call to Judaism, that love never left. So “hineni,” here I am. I understand the history and know the worse and the best of being Jewish. I would choose nothing else. I am fulfilling a dream that has been with me for many decades now. My deepest desire, is that when I’m laid to rest, people will say, she was a good Jew.
Jessica Wicks
Yiskah Rachel Bat Avraham v’ Sarah
I cannot explain why the attraction has remained so strong over the years. But I can vouch that it feels so right, and I am where I belong. I will still go back to visit First Universalist, my former congregation. One does not suddenly drop people who have been community for so very long. But spiritually I belong where I'm at. In the next blog post I'll speak to the experience of Beit Din and the Mikveh, and what it meant to me.
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