Disability and Steep Stairs

So, it’s been a while since my last posting here. December of 2000. Pain made it too difficult to write. Finally at long last, a purchase of a lap desk made all the difference. I’m writing again!

Since I last posted here, I realized I must surrender my license. Immobility made it unsafe for me to drive anymore. I deeply miss that ability to simply make my way down steep stairs, using one wheelchair to let the other down to the sidewalk, take apart the wheelchair so I can fit it in the trunk, using a strong-arm cane to keep my balance, then hopping into the car and going where I want to go. Hmmm… well maybe not so simply.

I had considered a move, but between current inflation and economic uncertainty, it seems to be a bit risky right now. I think in my heart this kind of thing is not uncommon among the elderly. I have no family nearby, and while I crave that human interaction that was such a part of my life for so long, I am relegated to hours, days, weeks of alone time. Oh, my wife and I talk some, but she is not a talker and where I despise alone time, she loves it! Don’t get me wrong! I deeply love her and honor her need for that alone time. But for me, it’s difficult. I do have a caretaker who comes in two hours a week. For the first hour she does chores. The second hour is relegated to conversation.

I may not be the only one who experiences loneliness. I suspect there are many more. There are many younger people I know. But they lead their busy lives, too busy to bother with a 75-year-old crone.

But… I will not simply sit here and cry in my iced tea. I try to stay busy. I’m active on my synagogue’s caring committee, making sure our volunteers send out cards for Shivas and health issues and such. I’m also doing training to lead Shivas on Zoom for those who desire it. I on occasion make the journey to my shul to deliver a Dvar Torah (a sermon). Mostly I attend now online. I’m presently writing a full Dvar for each week’s Torah Portion, posted in a different blog. I just wrote a Dvar for the Shabbat nearest Trans Day of Remembrance which I’m looking forward to delivering to my congregation on the 18th of November. I do my obligatory housework and spend time reading as well. Also, I am doing Daf Yomi, studying a page a day of Talmud. I’m presently in volume 18.

Loneliness is difficult, and it wears on you over time. But staying busy helps. May my remaining years be productive ones and may we all help to make our world a little bit better. I know this post was a bit of a downer, but they won’t always be that way. Truth involves both the ups and the downs.

One final thought. Imagine a world where we each, myself included, would reach out to somehow make another life a bit better. Radical no doubt, but it is how we begin to heal the world. Many blessings.

Jessica